Saturday, October 25, 2008

Why no one with any sense would want this to happen.

No one wants it to happen. Really. But y'know, you get drunk. You don't know what you're doing. Drunk texting to your ex. "I loves ya, I really does       :0(      evry time I hear Simply Red or Phil Collins sing I cry. And Bryan Adams. He makes me cry."

But that's natural, isn't it?

I cry every time Westlife bring out a new single.

Please, noooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Is there a God? Well is there? How the jeff can you let this happen? This must be the End Times. What other explanation is there?

Those vile, song-ruining, soppy soap-faced Irish granny botherers are in the charts again. Or they will be. In the run up to Xboxmas. And they are soap faced. The lead singer looks like a melted bar of soap. I'm sure he smells of pine disinfectant.

But hey, lad, cheer up, there's nothing wrong wi ya. Turn off the radio. Nothin a few pints of ale and a wallow in your own misery couldn't solve. Listen, hear that in the distance, drum beat thumping through the wall from next door? I think you'll find that's the theme from Titanic.

Your heart will go on, aye, tis reet that is. And that is why you should have your donor card with you at all times. Someone else could use that heart. Never mind broken, you go ahead, top y'self, we'll find a use for it at the infirmary. Some poor unhealthy, wheezing, bugger would love to have that thumper poundin away in his chest...

Which is fine. But if I kill myself in a way to ensure that my internal organs can be used by someone less (more) fortunate than myself - i.e. no drug overdose or jumping from a 10 storey building - I want to say here and now. No way is that chubby one from Boyzone having my heart. I don't care how *poorly* he's feeling. No. Forget it. I'd RATHER LIVE!!!!!!!!!!

But no. None of that. Didn't happen. Not on the agenda. Not relevant. I am not even drunk. 2 cans of light ale. My first alchofrol for 2 whole weeks. And yet, here I am engaging in the blogging equivalent of the late night ex-bothering booty call... Posting a *video* that everyone has probably already seen, bla bla yadda yadda. But...

There are no excuses. No carefully crafted words. Just a news report everyone should watch. I cannot help but be shocked and saddened by it. And feel guilty. I feel guilty. I shouldn't, but I do. How can they say that? What could I do? How could I help? How could I not help. O, why is this ALL ALWAYS always always ABOUT ME...

Watch before you click here.


  1. First. Getting THAT drunk that you want to text an ex is NEVER a good idea. But it happens.. did you know that some email service is bringing out an anti drunk email system so you can't email people when wasted? I don't know how the hell it will work, but it should happen to phones too :)

    Secondly, Westlife and Boyzone make my world a dangerous place. What with all their harmonies and same songs, hiking it up a key towards the end, standing up, when once they sang sitting down... Its enough to make any sane person vom. But no one appears to want to take them down. I am not suggesting violence, but hurtful slurs can do just as much damage, if spread far and wide enough... whos with me?

    Thirdly (don't worry, I can't count higher than 3, so this is ending soon) - Love the link!! haha.


  2. Well I totally agree with you. More Elbow less of these eejits who don't know their arse from their elbow. I don't mind Westzone etc existing so long as it's a private thing between 3000 grannies/people with learning disabilities and the band. Only in hospitals perhaps.

    But I think your words may well count as 'intent to be nasty'. which may well be a terrorist offence these days...

  3. Sometimes getting that drunk is a very good idea. Beforehand. I may later demonstrate why you are actually correct. I take responsibility for nothing.

    If you don't want to hear Westlife et al, listen exclusively to Virgin/Absolute. They remain blissfully unaware that 1990 has happened yet.

  4. "I may later demonstrate why you are actually correct." How very curiousity...

    As for Virgin radio, I refuse to accept that it exists, ergo, it doesn't.

    And why do Westzone stand up/sit down like they're at a children's party. Wouldn't it be better if someone came on and took a chair each time they stood up to emote? And when they tried to sit back down during the quiet bits there'd be a chair missing. And they'd have to fight to the death. Or the spare man would be sent off in high dudgeon. Punished horribly. Forced to spend an evening with Tim Westwood. Something horrific.

  5. Don't be curious, I don't like being disappointing.