Monday, November 03, 2008

Why all you government workers need to pay attention: stop it now - no need...


Here we go again. More data lost in a car park. Probably while the civil servant was busy dogging. Probably. Or else while parking their car they dropped their memory stick (and their trousers, I don't doubt).

Bla bla boring. But I have simple solution to this endless parade of dull but 'important' data loss.

It's this: don't take your work home. Do you hear me? If you've got work to do - do it in the blinkin office.

If you must work at home - log on via your laptop to your company's *Virtual Private Network*. It's not hard. They must have one. No, really, if it's a government organisation they must have a VPN. Right? Secure, encrypted etc. Okay, someone might try and hack in from Russia, but that's what I.T. departments and firewalls are for. Just stop downloading data onto your own hard drive you I.T. illiterates. 

I used to work on an I.T. helpdesk - not that I knew what I was talking about compared to real geeks - but I knew enough to baffle arrogant, idiotic office bods.

"Have you tried switching it off and and switching it on again."

And if that didn't work I'd put them on hold and return to the geek hive to get some cleverer answers that I could translate into non-techyspeak. O dull days indeed.

So I know what *Thin Client Networking* is. You store all the data on an off-site server (backed up a zallion times in case of nucleur war). The idiot user sits at a dumb terminal. Like a supermarket checkout computer, it links up, it performs the tasks needed but doesn't store any data. It works. All connected via a Virtual Private Network. Next customer, please.

So why are you taking these data filled laptops home? What are you going to achieve there? Are you really going to put these usernames into Excel spreadsheets and run queries on them? Eh? No, cos you could do that via the VPN if you had any sense. Also, why are you sending data CDs through the post. Which get lost. And then everyone worries about it. Isn't that what networks are for? Sharing data?

God I am boring myself now. It's just, it makes no sense. Stop it. All this worrying about hackers and trojan viruses destroying data & the reality is so mundanely pre-computer age: I left it on the train; it must have fallen out of my pocket when I got out of my car; my cat ate it...

No need. Why do you even need to take your laptop home? To check your Facebook messages? To play World Of Warcraft? Listen, government office worker people: do as you're told & stop it. We're all online now, there's no need to download & take home *data*. If you don't take it home, you won't lose it. I had the same attitude with my P.E. kit when I was at school. If you didn't take it home, you wouldn't forget to bring it in. It started smelling after a while though...

The other thing is: work less. Have a rest. You hard working idiots. 

N.B. 1st photo is of the band Keyboards and Computers. It's a good look I think...


  1. 1) Never forget that all government workers are indoctrinated with a special work ethic that renders you unable to think like a normal person ever again.

    2) When have you ever lost data anywhere? People don't, therefore I reckon it's a case of "Oh shit, I'm going to get into trouble if anyone sees what I just deleted/did/sold/forgot, unless...I could LOSE it? Oh yeah!"

    3) I predict a spate of thievery stealing data direct from government offices because noone takes data home any more. The Sullivanistas will cite this blog entry as the moment they realised they should not be taking things home.

  2. I like the sound of the Sullivanistas. All I am asking for is more lazyness really. Do less, cause less mayhem. It's a formula that could work.

    I have lost data, but mainly due to pc crashes and forgetting to press save.

    If anyone wants to steal data don't they just have to get an admin job? It happened at NatWest a while back, but they got caught in some fraud related thingamojiggery. The 'I lost my homework' excuse is of course the hardest to disprove. And a great way of getting out of actually doing any work.

    Personally I've lost gloves, hats, dogs, wallets, homework, friends, my way, my sense of purpose, my place in a book, my voice, my pint, my glasses, my temper and my mind. I wouldn't trust myself to go home with important data. My dog would eat it...