Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Why Jesus was quite a nice bloke; some of these modern botherers, less nice.

Do you have a friend that's a really good bloke, a good laugh, easy to talk to, but he's got these *friends* that are just total twats?

So you wanna go out for the evening with him but, in the nicest possible way - you need to know if the twatters are going to be there. Cos no way do you wanna spend an evening with that bunch of self-righteous, pompous know-it-all no-marks.

I feel a bit that way about Jesus. Lovely guy. Can't say a word against him. But his chums are way dodgy.

But weigh up Jesus. What was he like?
  • Bit of a hippy. Lived in a cave, wore sandals. Not that interested in winning the lottery or the new Katy Perry single. Y'know, he was a serious bloke. Had ideas.
  • Although he wasn't serious serious. He was always coming up with jokes and cheeky puzzles. He made you think did Jeez of Naz!
  • One big thing was that JC would give the time of day to anyone. Did not care who you were or where you came from. Didn't matter if you were a prostitute like Mary Magdelene or a money lender or a dead bloke like that weird looking Lazarus geezer. Always had a word for em. Looked em in the eye. No patronising, judgemental crap.
  • One of the few things that got him annoyed was people telling him what to do. What to think. Peoples telling the powerless plebs that they had to do this - they had to do that.
  • Bit of a rebel was Jeez y'see. Liked to think for himself. Damn, the fellow encouraged his mates to think. He encouraged them so much that one of them ended up betraying him. But Jeez just took it. Went with it. Que sera sera, what will be, will be. You don't get braver than that.
  • Tell you another thing bout Jesus, he wasn't greedy. He shared his booty. If he had a fish finger butty he would hand it round, let everyone have a bite.
  • Same thing when there was a party going on. Always the first to get the drinks in. It was always Jeez that turned round and magicked a big jug of wine from somewhere or other. Everyone else brought water, Jesus made sure there was wine for everyone. How can you not respect someone with that kind of attitude?
  • Still he wasn't one for fighting. He sorted out the wine but no matter what anyone said, he was always *turning the other cheek*. All the old geezers he hung about with were all "eye for an eye, Jeez. Don't be standin for that crap off that fella, y'know." But Jeez was just doin that *amused* smile of his. Like it was all beneath him. Not worth it, mate. Thing is, you do that and it is the violent fellows that look like idiots. Jesus knew that.
  • He could also whip you up a lovely set of shelves or a nest of tables. He knew how to work. Good with his hands. Proper decent carpenter.
  • Made him a bit of a unique combination. Sorta spiritual, in touch with nature and the world but practical at the same time. Not airy fairy. He was a proper bloke was Jeez. Man of the people. Clever. Thoughtful. Forgiving.
So how the chuffing heckers do we end up with people like Pope Benedict the Insane blabbing on about how gayers are twisted and men kissing is one of the worst things that can happen in the world.
"Defending God's creation was not limited to saving the environment, he said, but also about protecting man from himself." [bbc news] Protecting men from wanting to tongue kiss other men. Thanks for that Ben, but to be honest, personally, I'm a bit more worried about this global warming thing. Men and their tongues I can sort out for myself.

O, but, y'know, everyone's entitled to their opinions providing it doesn't cause pain and suffering and prejudice all over the world - think whatever you wanna think.

Freedom of thought, innit? And like Jesus, I'm all in favour of letting people have opinions.

It's a pity that these guys (always guys) with God's mobile phone number are always so certain of everything. They never say, "O, well, this is just my opinion, but... I find the idea of two men kissing a bit distasteful." Cos that would be fair enough, you'd be able to say, well that's okay, Benny mate, no one is forcing you to snog the Archbishop of Canterbury. Personally, I'll admit, that's not something I'd like to think about either, but y'know, each to his own.

I hereby invoke Internet Rule 34 on that one (if you don't know, don't ask...)

But anyway, forget all that. Happy birthday baby Jesus. Thanks for all you did, mythical or real. Nice story either way.

And a Happy Christmas to one and all...

1 comment:

  1. Ah now, you're not being fair. Jesus was a thoroughly nice bloke, he had the usual dad thing. Kind of difficult to like his dad, bit demanding and vengeful. His dad's got loads of mates though, it's him that's always on Deitybook with the bishops and all, not Jesus.

    If you "live your life according to Jesus" you're going to do all right. If you do as his pa does, you expect everyone to be like you and declare war on those who doesn't. Not so nice.

    The other/34 stuff you have thought too much about. Be ashamed.