Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Why would anyone buy a pregnancy test from a Pound Shop?

When my nephews were little, I was the perfect uncle. I'd get them just what they wanted for Christmas.

"Well they always end up playing with the box anyway. So I thought I'd just y'know, get em a box each."

My sister thought I was a flippin idiot, but the boys were happy.

But now. They're these weird tall adult people. Of legal age for drinking and whatever else they want to get up to. It's odd what time can do. So now if I was to give them a nice empty crisp box, they'd look at me like I'm an idiot. Like they did last year. They've lost the old spirit of Christmas some how. They want me to spend money on them. Buy them *stuff* or else just pay the money into their bank accounts.

But I thought, y'know there must be something I could buy then that doesn't involve beer. And then I saw it. Down the Pound Shop.

*The circle of life Pound Shop Style*

Look at the products as they line up from left to right:
  1. Lynx (style) deodorant to *attract* a lady.
  2. *Extra Safe* pound shop condoms.
  3. *Very Reliable* pregnancy test for after the Pound Shop condom splits. This will obviously tell them that everything is okay. Nothing to worry about.
  4. NiQuitin Gum for when the lucky lady decides to have child and so has to give up smoking for a bit.
  5. Teddy bear for baby (not pictured - cos it's on another shelf)
All for a fantastic value £5 in total. It's the ideal present I think.
What a fantastic surprise it would be for them to open this array of items on Christmas morning.

Not only hilariously not-funny, but it would teach them a valuable life lesson.

But on reflection, I'd probably best just getting them a token of some sort. But they won't want books & they won't want a *Record Token*, so an O2 top up card? Ummm.... How about an empty cardboard box for keeping stuff in? That's an idea...


  1. they actually sell all that *stuff* at the pound shop? thats insane. Highly amusing, but insane!

    To this day, and I say this often, I would rather have a large cardboard box to play with on Christmas Day than anything else. You can have so much fun with them! (message to Santa: Please fill this large box with goodies too...)

  2. they do actually sell almost everything. it's a genuine bad quality photo that I took. I was slightly shocked by pregnancy tests but I guess it's just a bit of litmus paper after all. You don't need them to be manufactured by Microsoft.

    p.s. I will send you a cardboard box for xmas. Please pick it up from your local supermarket. They will let you have it if you use the code phrase, "Can I have a cardboard box, I need it cos I'm moving house." You don't have to mention my name.

  3. ..so the secret code message " I was sent by Doughboy, give me all your boxes" doesnt work anymore? Gutted!

  4. That code will definitely work. All supermarket staff have been informed of the protocol. I can't forsee any problems at all.

    personally I think you should just steal the empty cardboard boxes. Would they call the police? "Hey, come back with that empty box. We want to throw that away!" it'd be like something out of Fight Club. I'm calling it *Box Club*

  5. Oh, what a faux pas; whats the number on rule of *box club*? hmmmmm???? :)