Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Why I like it when Kate Winslet cries


So what's the deelybob, huh? Why the frowny faces when a lady has a happy crying fest? Why the media/bloggage grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs bout old Katey Winslet havin a bit of a blub at that Golden Globes awards thing? I can only think it's for the following sad old reasons:

  • Male men finding it *unbelievable* that anyone would cry at a time of stress or extreme happiness.
  • Winslet was insincere. She was putting on *an act*. She is, after all, a good actor.
  • It's a bit embarrassing that she's all middle class with her daft attempts at stopping the fritzy ditzy girlishness. "Gather! Gather!" O grow up, Kate! Be more taciturn! Say thanks n bugger off!
  • The frosted smiles on the faces of the other nominees have also annoyed people.
  • As has the 'sincere' love that Winslet professed for all and sundry.
WELL allow ME to RETORT:
  • Listen, Mr Bloke. It happens. Females and little children cry. I had my crying ducts stitched up at the age of 12 and they have dribbled a little about twice since. I don't know why. It could be that once puberty took hold all the available body fluids had to be sent elsewhere as there was a sudden shortage - so there was nowt left for eye drainage (sorry). Or it could be that I got the crying habit slapped out of me with parents and teachers telling me to *be a man, grow up, stop being silly, stop crying like a little girl* etc. Are parents still allowed to say things like that to little boys? If not, will they cry more as adults? Or will biology and their friends laughing at them stop those little self-pitying tears?
  • A female friend of mine cries during a conversation about pet food or a discussion about pencil sharpeners. Or just because it's windy. As a male man it's as weird as, well, lots of other female things that we don't ... cough cough ... talk about. You just have to stand there rolling your eyes and trying not to laugh or be horrified. Crying happens.
  • PLUS. Here is the scenario/analogy. You get told that you've got your dream job. You get told to turn up in your best clobber. Except, when you get there, they tell you, well no, you've not actually got the job, it's actually between you and four other exceptional candidates. If you get the job, your life changes; if you don't, you may as well have not turned up. So the five of you are there, waiting, waiting, for the name to be plucked out of an envelope..... and the winner is........
  • Have you not, Mr Blokey Bloke, ever watched the X Factor, Strictly, the Apprentice bla bla all of them shows built on the build up of tension - followed by the screaming exhale of joy and tears that greets the news that one of the contestants has won. They crank up the stress, the tension, on purpose. And where do they get this formula from - ummm, the Oscars? Pretty similar scenario. Lots of stress. Lots of potential for men to shout, "I'm the king of the World". For Winslet or Berry or Field to do a bit of lip wibbling and give us all a few snuffly tears.
  • PLUS - they're actors. They're paid to emote. They're good at it. Of course they're bloomin emotional. I'm agog at their ability. I go to the pictures to see people who can pretend emote - that's what acting is. Winslet is good and she doesn't take herself too seriously. And her husband did direct the film, so she has a vested interest.
  • Oh yeah. Kate Winslet? She is a bit posh. That's why she's good at all those posh roles. Did she ever say she was from da ghetto? So leave it, or I will be tempted to challenge you to a duel & you know I'll win because no matter how much you hurt me, I am unable to cry. I don't do pain, Mr Bloggage/Media Moaner...
  • What do you want the losers to do? Storm out? I would. Clubber Lang would have walked out - in utter disgust. Kanye West wouldn't. Kanye had the right idea. He should have won. He had a nice video for his song. It cost lots of money. It had Pamela Anderson in it. How could it not win. Go Kanye. I salute you. Invade the stage and demand to be given that award! But I guess that's a guy thing. Usually. Though how cool would it have been if Angelina Jolie had swanned onto the stage, pissed as an elegant fart, and grabbed the award off Kate. Come on, she deserved it, right? Now that would have been drama. With even more tears...
  • Winslet's *sincere love*: a) she's an actor - they say love & lovey a lot, b) maybe she does love them, good for her, c) isn't it nice when people are nice to other people and give them a bit of respect for the hard work they do in the background? Good manners that is.
Finally, isn't the great thing about being this weird uncrying male person that I am - in relation to the crying woman who flaps about in a femaley way - the fact that you get to do a bit of that *being a shoulder to cry on* stuff. Where else does a man feel more useful in the modern age than in his ability to be strong and silent like a 1930s film star?

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. But here's a hankie ... try not to get my jacket wet, I've got to take it back to Moss Bros tomorrow...

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Why PIE - a month by month guide to the art of pie-making - part 1 of 12

Indeed, why pie? Well why not pie. Given all the New Year's resolutions you can make: losing weight, exercise, reading books bla bla bla. Eat more pie.

And make more pie. I have been set a task. One pie a month (minimum).

So. Start simple. Apple and blackberry. Go on the bbc website and look at about 5 recipes. Then think nah, I'll just have a go. Put some lemon juice on the apples for some reason (to 'acidify' them). Then, cos I want a proper PIE pie - with a lid and a bottom - I have to bake the base first with baking paper and it says to put *rice* on top of the paper. To stop it rising? Well, I used mung beans. I'm never gonna eat em. They're not nice. And it worked. Except the walls - the side bits - sort of shrunk a bit. So it's more of a pie sandwich. Not that it matters. It is a pie. And it shouldn't be perfect or else there'd be no way to improve. I tried to improve it at the end. One of the recipes said sugar on top. Then grill it. I burnt it. Nice

February's pie will have homemade pastry. How exciting/or not* (*delete as appropriate).

p.s. note to self. Very filling. Be less greedy.

p.s. note to bakers. Any useful advice welcomed.



Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Why Iggy?

Oh. There's nothing more likely to cheer me up than a rock star advertising an inappropriate product. There was Johnny Rotten with his rancid Ingerlish butter, now here's the Iggster advertising insurance. Isn't it just lovely? Well at least he's not advertising butter, cos that would just be a little bit too Marlon Brando. Johnny Rotten is one thing, but Iggy? No.

So yeah, insurance, that makes sense. Insurance companies know what they're doing, right? There's AIG the biggest insurance company in the world going virtually bust before the US government bailed it out for $85 billion after it did loads and loads of really stupid insurance deals.

And now Swiftcover.com have Iggy Pop fronting their new ad campaign! Genius! I love it!

It's a beautiful thing. It makes me laugh so much I want to dance half naked whilst juggling kitchen knives. Excellent!

Don't worry! I'm insured!

The young Pop used to be known for pushing, "the boundaries of stage performance... Inventing the stage-dive in Detroit, rolling around in broken glass, exposing himself to the crowd, and vomiting on stage." [Wiki] He had a thing about cutting himself on stage with knives, but y'know, everyone's gotta have a hobby. What do you expect a rock god to do, play golf? Oh...

As he said of himself, "I spent most of the eighties, most of my life, riding around in somebody else's car, in possession of, or ingested of, something illegal, on my way from something illegal to something illegal with many illegal things happening all around me." [Iggy quotes]

Now he says, "Looking for the cheapest car insurance? Time is money. Save it. 100% online car insurance means a faster service - instant, no hassle, car insurance cover." [swiftcover.com]

With Iggy's help we can rebuild the economy one dodgy insurance company at a time. Double genius.

Tina Shortle, marketing director at swiftcover.com, said, "The new campaign is an exciting step for swiftcover.com. We feel this new and unique approach reflects our positioning as a young and innovative company." Young, yes. The youth are going to love this advert with the alarming 61 year old man with the remarkable torso and beautifully lived-in face.

I think I'm missing something here. It's all too clever for me. Ex-self harming heroin addict rock star needs insurance. So I guess I'm not gonna get turned down then, am I? That must be it. They'll insure anyone. Just like AIG did - and that strategy worked, yeah ... hurrah!!!

Monday, January 05, 2009

Why email is not the way to reject someone

3 of the biggest and saddest events of the past year for me involved email rejections. I gave one out and got two back. Which would look like karma but I still would have got the two rejections via email - regardless of whether I decided to dish out my own rejection via email.

But it does put me in a position to have an opinion on the subject. It's this:

Don't give people the heave-ho, or the no-no via emailage. It's not the done thing. It shouldn't be. And it's not nice. We have all done it at one time or another because it's easy and it's quick and it's convenient and we don't have to look into the other person's eyes while they're processing the news. Those are all advantages for you.

The other obvious one is that we (and me certainly) are sometimes *better at expressing ourselves* in written down words than when we have to say things out loud in a conversation.
  • When I'm on the phone with someone I forget what it was I wanted to say.
  • I get sidetracked and start talking about something irrelevant.
  • I find it hard to stick to the subject.
  • I'm easily convinced to change my mind in conversation - but email is fixed. It's you giving a speech - a written down speech - but there's no capacity for the other person to interrupt - they just have to read & take it...
Those are the advantages. The disadvantages can be summed up in one word, it's just

cruel

Getting a rejection via email is heartrending. You suffer on your own. You have no redress. It's final. It's all of the above reasons that the sender uses as an excuse for sending it - but from your point of view - it's just.... not fair.

My first rejection of the year via email was for a job type-of-thing - something I'd worked hard to get an interview for - that would have meant me relocating to that London. A complete change of life. It was hard not to get quietly optimistic. To hope that they would recognise my qualities la la la at the interview. And the interview went *okay*. There were questions I didn't do that well on. And when it came time for me to ask questions my brain was so exhausted from the earlier part of the interview that I ummmed and ahhhed and didn't ask anything very relevant.

(panel interviews - 3 versus 1 = CRUEL!!!!)

But I thought - yeah, I stand a chance. Of course, they had to interview other people. Over the next week and a half and would let me know in 2 weeks.

2 WEEKS!!!! Now that's cruel. I was practically choosing curtains for my new flat half the time and convinced I'd been rejected the rest of the time. And inevitably, after 2 weeks, I heard nothing. I had to phone up and speak to a secretary, who told me that the relevant people weren't around and they'd let me know.

Cowardice.

20 minutes later she sent me an email to inform me that I hadn't been selected. Other candidates la la la...

That 20 seconds while your email program stutters and judders as it attempts to open up the new mail - the little preview panel that says, "Dear Mr Sullivan, thank you for -"

You still have a little bit of hope - you're writing the letter two ways - "thank you for coming for an interview it was great to meet you, you're great.... unfortunately..."

So, job & academic world people - tell me by phone like you say you will. We'll call you, they say after interviews. But they call the person that's been accepted. The rest of you get an email or a postal letter 3 weeks later. If you're *lucky*.

My second email rejection - was really via a Microsoft Word document attachment - which the fussy Anti-Virus program on my laptop took what seemed like 5 minutes to check over and over before it eventually opened with some very unexpected news. Unexpected? Or obvious? Those 5 minutes gave me time enough to imagine more than one possibility. Some of them involving death and disease. But it wasn't that bad. Life goes on. Even if it did seem to stop at that moment and drop into a big black hole... I clambered back out of the hole a few weeks later. The sun was still remembering to get up in the morning even if I was not so keen.

However, all of that taken into account it meant that I should have been much more sensitive when it came to be my turn to do the rejecting. As droned on about previously - dropping out of my teaching practice. Cos yeah, I did it via email. And it's not nice. There are humans involved. Reading not nice things that you've written. Your opinion, but not an opinion they're happy to hear. It's not good for them, even if it feels good for you to slurge it all out. Cos when you're feeling ridiculously unhappy and emotional and generally sad and wanting to say *exactly* what you think - email will do that - but not, as they say, in a good way.....

People deserve at the least a telephone conversation and preferably a face-to-face. I feel guilt, and so this is my confession and chance for redemption. As small time as all of this may seem...

So. Number 2 on my list of resolutions for 2009***

Buy a clipboard. Carry it to all meetings.

That way I have the advantage of writing down exactly what I want to say. But it's also fairer on the other person & I can change my words if needed.
  • If I'm intending to reject something in a formal situation - I won't lose my focus & I'll remember all the points I want to make.
  • You can negotiate, but you won't forget exactly what you want to achieve.
  • It's less likely that you'll be intimidated by a stronger personality or a higher-up person who wants you to do things you don't want to.
  • You can even hand them a printed out *email*. You don't have to speak but they get to respond to the words - that way they don't get to keep the words. If you regret what you say later, it's usually best not to give someone evidence that they can forward to whoever they feel like.
  • Another snidey advantage is that I can also write things on my sheet of paper. So I won't forget what they say on the one hand, but I can also pretend to write when making eye contact becomes uncomfortable. Without appearing rude. Sneaky but useful.
  • If it's an informal situation where I'll look like *a Freak With A Clipboard* I'll take along a little post-it note. Like a shopping list of items for discussion.
  • If it's a job interview - you're apparently allowed nowadays to take in a list of questions - you're also allowed to make notes about what the interviewers ask you. It's considered professional rather than just dweeby.
So. 2009 - meet Clipboard Guy. Back to the pre-electronic age. No longer hiding behind the ease and snidey qualities of email when it comes to being nasty to someone.

I urge everyone else to do likewise.

In the words of Thumper's mum in the film Bambi, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all - the least you can do is say it to them in person!"


*** N.B. Resolution number 1 was to bake more pies. Apple & rhubarb will be the first if all goes to plan...

### Nice irrelevant photos of hummingbirds from howstuffworks - showing the beauty of nature and ummm. They're nice? Natural selection. Evolution? Yeah, evolution. I'm evolving into a nicer person. Let's hope.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Why giving up is sometimes the brave thing to do.

We have all been in that situation. That crappy job situation. That worn out relationship situation. That pair of shoes that actually hurt when you wear them - and you're really not sure why you do wear them any more. It's not like they look any good. But the thing is: we put up with stuff. It's brave and it's lazy. Perhaps the heroic thing to do is just say no.

That's what people say in films. In rebellious fiction. The cool and crazy leading man/woman gets a load of criticism for being late. For being untidy, for not doing work. For being a putz, a klutz, a schmutz. Yadda, yadda, yadda. The cool and crazy hero(ine) punches boss in the face, tells rest of work mates the *truth* about their dull lives and leaves in a wonderfully heroic scene.

Sitting in the cinema we cheer, we want to punch the air. Go Hero! Go refusenik!!!! Don't take that shit any more. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaaa!!!! "I would *so* do that." We say. But usually we don't. We *put up with it*. We deal with it. It's life as lived not life as fictionalised.

Film references that come to mind: Fight Club, Billy Liar. Book references: Catcher In The Rye, Oliver Twist.... it's kind of a young male thing, this violent refusing and rejecting your boss game. It's not the game of someone who's worried about their mortgage. I guess that's how we get our vicarious thrills. Watching people doing stuff we *wouldn't actually dare to do* in real life.

The same applies to the girlf/boyf rejection. If you're 14 - you send a text. They cry. They get over it. Hopefully. You feel bad for about 15 minutes and wonder what they'll do. You hope they won't kill themselves or do anything over dramatic. But they probably won't. They'll be another meaningless relationship along in a minute. Another partner in the dance of growing up and learning.

And if there isn't, there's always alcohol and glue. Suck it up, boyo.

Or maybe that was just me.

It's different if you're older. If you've got *responsibilities*. If you've got 3 kids it's all so much more difficult. Job, relationship, shoes. You need these things - well, so *they* say.

Personally, I'd like to throw my shoes away one day whilst I'm walking down the street. Just bin em off into a skip or hand them to a homeless person. Carry on walking the earth barefooted like my childhood hero Kwai Chang Caine from the TV series Kung Fu. He was brave, he was hard, he wore no shoes and had really hard corns on the soles of his feet. No pumice stone for Kwai Chang Caine, no sirree bob. His feet were for walking the earth and *reluctantly* kickin bad guys in the face and ass. Hiiiiiiiii yaaaaaaaa!!!! Nevermind your modern tennis ladies, Kwai Chang Caine invented violent grunting. Him and Hong Kong Phooey

I ♥ them both with much heartiness.

And that may be where I have been going wrong.

Correction. That may be where I went wrong on one specific occasion. To whit: my teaching practice. I'm still a *student teacher* (last time I looked). I still go to college and learn theories about how to do teaching stuff.

Except late last year, I kind of told the college I was actually teaching at that I didn't want to la la la - go there no more. I just did. I thought about it a lot over a very short period of time. I consulted some non-professionals & a professional (one of my tutors) and got the same advice: if you're not enjoying it, you're better off somewhere else.....

It was the right advice. It was right for me to *give up*. I felt vindicated for a very short amount of time. Mentally refreshed and de-worry-fied.

Hurrah I thought. Huzzah! Gadzooks and yippee yips. Somewhere else I will go! I started to immediately imagine the bright shining happy *somewhere else*. It's a nice place that somewhere else. I had a nice stress free week. Then my tutor told me that after all, there might be some difficulty with finding me a place somewhere else. Middle of the year. Wrong time of year. Bla bla bla bla panic stations...

See I did a slightly less dramatic version of the film rebel drop out. Except, except, except.... the film ends at that point or the character goes on to become a homeless boxer, gets put in a mental asylum or inherits a fortune (cheers Charles Dickens - you're a practical help....).

Whereas my life goes quietly bobbing along in a small way, except as time goes on, no college is knocking at my door demanding I teach there (for free - I don't charge). My emails go unanswered. My phone calls don't get past reception. My worry mounts.

But positivity reigns in the *ALL ABOUT ME* month of January. I will find a happy class of happy students to teach stuff to. And this time they might even listen and learn. They might. They might not also, but this time I will keep my mouth shut if anyone annoys me. I will try. I won't answer back and have unnecessary opinions.

Let's just say in this month of getting over craposity from the previous year (that we don't even name) the *career* issue is one of the top cards on the pile. It's number two in a pile that says: DEAL WITH THIS SHIT URGENTLY.

February is going to be gravy. January is reheated sprouts. Grim but good for you. I need to go clean my plate....

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Why Yogis & Mystics live up at the top of mountains.


The first step in the 2009 reinvention of body/mind/spirit program. Try to find some of that peace/happiness/knowledge stuff. Y'know, a bit of that *good karma* malarky. We all need a bit of that, innit?

But where, historically, do the knowledgeable seers, oracles and blind spindly legged old men who know all the answers hang out?

The Mind/Body & Spirit section of the bookshop? No.
Begging for coppers outside Tesco? No.

Up a mountain. Yes. Precisely.
And why do they live up there? Usually to avoid other people. To avoid having to shop at Tescos and get stuck in traffic. They want time to themselves to do some thinking.

And so that's where we must go. Out into the cold, up above the clouds, up, up, up - some reasonably sized mountains (or very big hills, I'm not sure what they are technically). But Yorkshire, the peaks of Ingleborough & the confusingly Welsh sounding Pen-y-ghent. There's a third peak that you're meant to do, as some sort of *challenge*, but heck, let's leave that one till later in the year. When it's not dark at 4pm.

You've got to have something to aim at.

The weather's shockingly cold but as you trudge along feeling heroic and brave, a bunch of fell runners come storming past dressed in gloves, long-sleeve shirts and shorts. Yes, shorts. And they're running. Hmmm. But are they on spiritual mind/body/etc pilgrimages? No, they are not. The fit bastards. Imagine how Scott of the Antarctic would have felt as he trudged heroically along the ice, only to be overtaken by a gaggle of charity fun runners. Tied together as part of a sponsored three-legged race. A bunch of accountants from Barnstaple waving merrily at Scott & his dogs as they swigged from cans of Fosters and stormed past at twice his speed. Scott wouldn't be best pleased, I'm thinking. And he wouldn't want to 'pop a few pennies in the bucket' for them. Never mind if it is all 'going to a good cause.' 'Helping the poorly kiddies.' No. Forget them.

You don't just go up a mountain to get fit. It's more than just a *Green Gym*. You want to get close to nature and all that chutney. Get out in the open air. Feel free. Breathe in the cold clear air. Even if you don't always enjoy it, it will help you appreciate sitting in a comfy chair and drinking a nice cup of tea. But if you never leave your comfy chair you'll never know what you've got. Cos there's nothing better than sitting your cold aching body down in a chair by a fire and warming up with a cup of tea or a cheeky pint.

*Spiritually* it kind of helps you to appreciate the moment as well. As clangingly obvious as that thought is, that's what being out in the silent cold air does for you. The scenery changing with every footstep. The weather changing by the minute and completely out of your control. The view will never look exactly like this ever again. There will be different patches of cloud, rain, sunshine, snow. In five minutes time you might not be able to see further than your hand. The mist can descend in an instant. A friendly walk can become a hideous nightmare. The moment exists only for you. A photograph doesn't reflect the tiredness, the elation, the coldness or even how bored with the countryside the photographer was.

And as the picture above shows, even when you get to the top, the journey down can be just as perilous. You can learn a lot about yourself up a mountain and a lot about the people you go with. How you relate to them, how you argue about the routes and everything else. But that is a subject for the next post perhaps...

Friday, January 02, 2009

Why your blog needs to have its head examined

I'm planning on some serious self-analysis this January. That rubbish worn out old year has been binned and the new year is just fresh outta the box. So new it's like a pink mewling kitten. Look - 2009 - isn't it cute!!! So new and lovely and hardly ruined at all. But me? I'm not new. I'm still old me. And that's not right. No. In 2009 I'm going to be the person *I deserve to be* or words to that affect. I've got a copy of 'Do Less, Achieve More' on my bookshelf and this year I'm actually going to read it.

But it's not only me that needs to be analysed, it's you too, Imaginary Reader. Look at you! I mean, look at you! What are you like? Frankly, Imaginary Reader, I have no idea what you're like. But I know that you need help. And there's only one person that can help you - and it's not me. It's you.........

That's right. Self-help. Therapy. Endless hopeful self-analysis. All of that. It's January, we've got to do it. Before we can even make resolutions we need to decide what we need to improve.

We need to know where we are right now. So here at Not A Kid And Not That Friendly we're having a bit of a psychotherapy session. Feel free to join in. Asking questions. Probably not getting answers. But trying. That is the thing. Trying to find answers to these 3 vital questions.
  1. What am I like?
  2. What is this blog's personality?
  3. Are visitors to this blog finding what they want?
Let's go with the the easiest and most amusing first. The visitors to this blog:

The most amusing search terms used by visitors to
Not A Kid And Not That Friendly


Analysis of why people bother visiting feeds back some interesting results. Some might get what they want. Some will end up leaving after 3 seconds feeling jibbed.

The 10 Most Disappointed Visitors came here searching for:
    1. germaine greer brazilian waxing (she probably doesn't, I'm guessing)
    2. is daniel corbett related to ronnie corbett? (possibly not, but I'm not the person to ask)
    3. wufty teen (wufty, anyone?)
    4. do jews celebrate bonfire night? (As in, do Jewish people *celebrate* by having firework displays on November 5th? Probably. Or do they support the burning of Guy Fawkes effigies? Ummm. Next.)
    5. does burt reynolds pluck his eyebrows? (almost certainly)
    6. osbourne bedded cameron eton (no comment. Wouldn't surprise me though.)
    7. ciccolina horse video (hey! It's not my fault. I know nothing of this!)
    8. teen hitchhikers spend the night with gay drivers (do they? This seems like it's a statement rather than a question.)
    9. bonfire moseley november 2008 (Hello, visitor, if you're looking for information about the entrance fee and what time it starts, I'm sorry but I really can't help you, mate.)
    10. i always had scattered eyebrows (Ok, thanks for sharing. Scattered eyebrows sound quite nice actually. Poetic. Can I see a picture?)
By the way, dear Imaginary Reader, if it was you that came to this bloggage via one of these searches, welcome and thanks for staying despite the lack of information provided on these subjects. In terms of numbers this blog has become one of the key Internet sources for information on *Big Ear Holes*, *what melancholic-sanguine men like about women* & *Madonna's Eyebrows*. This is a fact of which I am justly proud.
So, on to Question 2 on the list.

What is this blog's personality?

Does your blog have a personality? Do you even have a blog or Myspace page? Typealyzer.com can help you find out. Amazingly, it uses (or claims to use) the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) to assess what blogs are like. Myers-Briggs are some clever psychologist people that came up with (to quote from Wiki) : "a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions." [Wiki] Which sounds nice and clever. Right? It measures levels of:

Extraversion Introversion
Sensing iNtuition
Thinking Feeling
Judging Perceiving

You're either one or the other. You know the deal. All that sort usual personality stuff. So if we type friendlykid.blogspot.com into the clever machine at Typealyzer it tells me that this blog's personality type is: ESFP = Extrovert, Sensing, Feeling, Percieving.
"The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves."
Bright colours. Sweet smells. Soft fabrics. WOW! How true! Ummm. How unlike the grumpy, unfeeling, introverted author...

I threw in a few other blogs I like to see if this analysis was as accurate as a Lucky 8 Pool ball, but the results it came back with were quite interesting.

Thinker and all round cleverclogs Malcolm Gladwell's blog gladwell.com - came back as: INTJ - The Scientist
"The long-range thinking and individualistic type. They are especially good at looking at almost anything and figuring out a way of improving it - often with a highly creative and imaginative touch. They are intellectually curious and daring, but might be pshysically hesitant to try new things."
All round nice guy and journalist/reviewer Andrew Collins' blog www.wherediditallgoright.com/BLOG was analysed as ISTP - The Mechanic
"The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts."
So maybe it isn't just astrology for blogs. Tis actually scientific in some way. There are 16 possible combinations of characteristics, but a lot of blogs I looked up were *Entertainers* but then maybe that's in the nature of the medium. No? Well, I've no idea how it works, but it takes self-analysis to whole new levels and tis modern so we must all go there now and analyse. Go, I bid you, go. Then come back. Please?

Finally.

Who am I? Like really? Like, I need to find myself, man.

I'm not entirely convinced by personality tests as I think they're more likely to tell us what we want to be. Who we aspire to be. However, I did this test at personaldna.com - I'm an Advocating Leader apparently. Hmmm. Reeeellly? Are you sure? Who am I leading? And what am I advocating? Judging by searches on the blog, I'm mainly advocating big ear holes and bushy eyebrows.

And I'm 94% more male than most people that take the test? Really? Do mainly women take the test? But then it says I'm not particularly confident, so what do I know? I'm not sure.

Right. All that's done. I know where I stand. What this blog is all about and what the visitors want. Now I can start to change everything. EVERYTHING. Tomorrow, I'm starting it tomorrow. Almost certainly. Probably. I hope....