Sunday, January 04, 2009

Why giving up is sometimes the brave thing to do.

We have all been in that situation. That crappy job situation. That worn out relationship situation. That pair of shoes that actually hurt when you wear them - and you're really not sure why you do wear them any more. It's not like they look any good. But the thing is: we put up with stuff. It's brave and it's lazy. Perhaps the heroic thing to do is just say no.

That's what people say in films. In rebellious fiction. The cool and crazy leading man/woman gets a load of criticism for being late. For being untidy, for not doing work. For being a putz, a klutz, a schmutz. Yadda, yadda, yadda. The cool and crazy hero(ine) punches boss in the face, tells rest of work mates the *truth* about their dull lives and leaves in a wonderfully heroic scene.

Sitting in the cinema we cheer, we want to punch the air. Go Hero! Go refusenik!!!! Don't take that shit any more. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaaa!!!! "I would *so* do that." We say. But usually we don't. We *put up with it*. We deal with it. It's life as lived not life as fictionalised.

Film references that come to mind: Fight Club, Billy Liar. Book references: Catcher In The Rye, Oliver Twist.... it's kind of a young male thing, this violent refusing and rejecting your boss game. It's not the game of someone who's worried about their mortgage. I guess that's how we get our vicarious thrills. Watching people doing stuff we *wouldn't actually dare to do* in real life.

The same applies to the girlf/boyf rejection. If you're 14 - you send a text. They cry. They get over it. Hopefully. You feel bad for about 15 minutes and wonder what they'll do. You hope they won't kill themselves or do anything over dramatic. But they probably won't. They'll be another meaningless relationship along in a minute. Another partner in the dance of growing up and learning.

And if there isn't, there's always alcohol and glue. Suck it up, boyo.

Or maybe that was just me.

It's different if you're older. If you've got *responsibilities*. If you've got 3 kids it's all so much more difficult. Job, relationship, shoes. You need these things - well, so *they* say.

Personally, I'd like to throw my shoes away one day whilst I'm walking down the street. Just bin em off into a skip or hand them to a homeless person. Carry on walking the earth barefooted like my childhood hero Kwai Chang Caine from the TV series Kung Fu. He was brave, he was hard, he wore no shoes and had really hard corns on the soles of his feet. No pumice stone for Kwai Chang Caine, no sirree bob. His feet were for walking the earth and *reluctantly* kickin bad guys in the face and ass. Hiiiiiiiii yaaaaaaaa!!!! Nevermind your modern tennis ladies, Kwai Chang Caine invented violent grunting. Him and Hong Kong Phooey

I ♥ them both with much heartiness.

And that may be where I have been going wrong.

Correction. That may be where I went wrong on one specific occasion. To whit: my teaching practice. I'm still a *student teacher* (last time I looked). I still go to college and learn theories about how to do teaching stuff.

Except late last year, I kind of told the college I was actually teaching at that I didn't want to la la la - go there no more. I just did. I thought about it a lot over a very short period of time. I consulted some non-professionals & a professional (one of my tutors) and got the same advice: if you're not enjoying it, you're better off somewhere else.....

It was the right advice. It was right for me to *give up*. I felt vindicated for a very short amount of time. Mentally refreshed and de-worry-fied.

Hurrah I thought. Huzzah! Gadzooks and yippee yips. Somewhere else I will go! I started to immediately imagine the bright shining happy *somewhere else*. It's a nice place that somewhere else. I had a nice stress free week. Then my tutor told me that after all, there might be some difficulty with finding me a place somewhere else. Middle of the year. Wrong time of year. Bla bla bla bla panic stations...

See I did a slightly less dramatic version of the film rebel drop out. Except, except, except.... the film ends at that point or the character goes on to become a homeless boxer, gets put in a mental asylum or inherits a fortune (cheers Charles Dickens - you're a practical help....).

Whereas my life goes quietly bobbing along in a small way, except as time goes on, no college is knocking at my door demanding I teach there (for free - I don't charge). My emails go unanswered. My phone calls don't get past reception. My worry mounts.

But positivity reigns in the *ALL ABOUT ME* month of January. I will find a happy class of happy students to teach stuff to. And this time they might even listen and learn. They might. They might not also, but this time I will keep my mouth shut if anyone annoys me. I will try. I won't answer back and have unnecessary opinions.

Let's just say in this month of getting over craposity from the previous year (that we don't even name) the *career* issue is one of the top cards on the pile. It's number two in a pile that says: DEAL WITH THIS SHIT URGENTLY.

February is going to be gravy. January is reheated sprouts. Grim but good for you. I need to go clean my plate....

2 comments:

  1. Stopping doing something that is not good for you is always the right thing to do. Always.

    Now you are free to find the right place instead of stagnating in the wrong.

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  2. I would like to say something sage-like or mystical or, in the least, wise-ish which would make it all better or at least lead to an epiphany which would change your life (in a good way).

    However, since I am not a sage or a mystic or, alas, not even wise, I will simply say, I understand and, in non-sarcastic way, good luck with that. And apparently I use far too many commas.

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