Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Why I like it when Kate Winslet cries

So what's the deelybob, huh? Why the frowny faces when a lady has a happy crying fest? Why the media/bloggage grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs bout old Katey Winslet havin a bit of a blub at that Golden Globes awards thing? I can only think it's for the following sad old reasons:

  • Male men finding it *unbelievable* that anyone would cry at a time of stress or extreme happiness.
  • Winslet was insincere. She was putting on *an act*. She is, after all, a good actor.
  • It's a bit embarrassing that she's all middle class with her daft attempts at stopping the fritzy ditzy girlishness. "Gather! Gather!" O grow up, Kate! Be more taciturn! Say thanks n bugger off!
  • The frosted smiles on the faces of the other nominees have also annoyed people.
  • As has the 'sincere' love that Winslet professed for all and sundry.
WELL allow ME to RETORT:
  • Listen, Mr Bloke. It happens. Females and little children cry. I had my crying ducts stitched up at the age of 12 and they have dribbled a little about twice since. I don't know why. It could be that once puberty took hold all the available body fluids had to be sent elsewhere as there was a sudden shortage - so there was nowt left for eye drainage (sorry). Or it could be that I got the crying habit slapped out of me with parents and teachers telling me to *be a man, grow up, stop being silly, stop crying like a little girl* etc. Are parents still allowed to say things like that to little boys? If not, will they cry more as adults? Or will biology and their friends laughing at them stop those little self-pitying tears?
  • A female friend of mine cries during a conversation about pet food or a discussion about pencil sharpeners. Or just because it's windy. As a male man it's as weird as, well, lots of other female things that we don't ... cough cough ... talk about. You just have to stand there rolling your eyes and trying not to laugh or be horrified. Crying happens.
  • PLUS. Here is the scenario/analogy. You get told that you've got your dream job. You get told to turn up in your best clobber. Except, when you get there, they tell you, well no, you've not actually got the job, it's actually between you and four other exceptional candidates. If you get the job, your life changes; if you don't, you may as well have not turned up. So the five of you are there, waiting, waiting, for the name to be plucked out of an envelope..... and the winner is........
  • Have you not, Mr Blokey Bloke, ever watched the X Factor, Strictly, the Apprentice bla bla all of them shows built on the build up of tension - followed by the screaming exhale of joy and tears that greets the news that one of the contestants has won. They crank up the stress, the tension, on purpose. And where do they get this formula from - ummm, the Oscars? Pretty similar scenario. Lots of stress. Lots of potential for men to shout, "I'm the king of the World". For Winslet or Berry or Field to do a bit of lip wibbling and give us all a few snuffly tears.
  • PLUS - they're actors. They're paid to emote. They're good at it. Of course they're bloomin emotional. I'm agog at their ability. I go to the pictures to see people who can pretend emote - that's what acting is. Winslet is good and she doesn't take herself too seriously. And her husband did direct the film, so she has a vested interest.
  • Oh yeah. Kate Winslet? She is a bit posh. That's why she's good at all those posh roles. Did she ever say she was from da ghetto? So leave it, or I will be tempted to challenge you to a duel & you know I'll win because no matter how much you hurt me, I am unable to cry. I don't do pain, Mr Bloggage/Media Moaner...
  • What do you want the losers to do? Storm out? I would. Clubber Lang would have walked out - in utter disgust. Kanye West wouldn't. Kanye had the right idea. He should have won. He had a nice video for his song. It cost lots of money. It had Pamela Anderson in it. How could it not win. Go Kanye. I salute you. Invade the stage and demand to be given that award! But I guess that's a guy thing. Usually. Though how cool would it have been if Angelina Jolie had swanned onto the stage, pissed as an elegant fart, and grabbed the award off Kate. Come on, she deserved it, right? Now that would have been drama. With even more tears...
  • Winslet's *sincere love*: a) she's an actor - they say love & lovey a lot, b) maybe she does love them, good for her, c) isn't it nice when people are nice to other people and give them a bit of respect for the hard work they do in the background? Good manners that is.
Finally, isn't the great thing about being this weird uncrying male person that I am - in relation to the crying woman who flaps about in a femaley way - the fact that you get to do a bit of that *being a shoulder to cry on* stuff. Where else does a man feel more useful in the modern age than in his ability to be strong and silent like a 1930s film star?

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. But here's a hankie ... try not to get my jacket wet, I've got to take it back to Moss Bros tomorrow...


  1. Kate Winslet is immensely likeable, and always seems sincere.

    Since it's been playing in my ears, I'll add: she's a star.

    Crying's weird, I cry when it's wrong and never cry at sad films or funerals. Always cry when I'm angry, or at stupid things. Not pet food, but like pet food.

  2. I am kind of in 2 minds about her. I like her, I think... her films are good, and she IS a talented actress, but... I don't know, there is something slightly annoying about her. In all probability, I am possibly just insanely jealous that she is pretty in a non threatening way, and sincerly nice. Damn her to the farthest reaches of hell...

  3. I saw it. She is an actress isn't she? They are a bit OTT aren't they? So, she was playing true to type! I found nothing harmful in it at all, although I think Angelina Jolie was made to feel like a twat, which I found funny.

    I cry if I talk about my children, but you knew that.....

    I cry at wildlife films when some poor little animal is left to die and the film crew do nothing to help, when I think they could. I cry when I read and hear about people torturing babies and killing them when we were all sitting round eating our Christmas lunches, but women do cry anyway.