Friday, February 13, 2009

Why I hope he's gay

So there's this guy right. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, that's how it always starts. The confession... But there's this guy. He works in the university library as some sort of computery fixy person. He twiddles wires and does that I.T. click, click - wait ... click, click, sigh ... *smug grin* ... click, click - pushes his chair back and stands up - the problem is fixed for the poor admin person.

The poor admin person then gives the I.T. man a sad grin and has to carry on with her job. Secretly she had been wishing for a total Network blackout. A chance to write things down on a few bits of paper - a bit of a crisis - a chance to blame technology - anything other than sitting there like a supermarket check-out girl - zapping and stamping book after bloody book...

So, there's this guy. He works at the university library. We've got that far. He's got big burly hairy forearms. Forearms like a pig's hind legs. He wears rugby shirts, baggy jeans and trainers. He's got a close cropped beard and a stubble shaven bald head. He doesn't seem to say very much. And he's about 20 stone.

And watching him at work I couldn't help thinking: I really hope he's gay.

Cos if he's gay: he's a big bear of a man. He'll be wanted and prized. Cos he fits into that big hairy man category. Someone will like that look. (Or so I've heard)

Result: positive self-image, shags, possible string of non-geek mates to go out drinking and carousing with - he might even be in a loving, caring relationship. What do I know about any of this? Hmmm.

But if he's straight: then he's a fat, bald IT geek. And last time I looked there wasn't a community of women queuing up to get in those guys' pants:

"Smart professional female VGSOH, 23, seeks fat IT nerd for weekends of data programming & Blake's Seven marathons."

Yeah. I know. That does sound like fun. You want to me to give him your number. Okay.

But really? Whilst personality goes a long way, it's gonna have to go a very long way for our IT guy if he's gonna compete in the cut & thrust of the speed dating scene - or the cut & paste of the online dating scene.

Or maybe he's happily married with 3 kids. After all, while women might have more of a universal standard of gorgeousosity - they can be pretty accepting and forgiving of physical imperfections. Except when they look in the mirror. Umm, perhaps that's why... So perhaps he's a jolly fat man with a portly wife and 3 grinning kiddies of various sizes. Let's stay positive.

I started off wanting him to be gay. Now I want him to be married. I need to just let this guy live his own life! Leave him alone to plug in cables, can't you!?

Next time I'm in there I'm going to tell him how much I admire him. But not in a gay way...


  1. you undestimate women.
    IT nerds make the best husbands. Fact.
    Large people like food and quite possibly cook well. If they don't, they don't say no to pizza

    So there you go.

  2. Add an er in there please. After und

  3. Bloody hell.... that took me ages to work out...... doh..