Monday, April 13, 2009

Why Xan Tyler is my new hero - hurrah for Xan T - apply here for a unique and wonderful opportunity!!!

So after much idle thought about writing blogs about about Islamist goings on in Afghanistan or else or porn and why it's maybe not the world's greatest thing after all - I decided to ignore those weighty subjects and instead indulge in an orgy of congratulations and salutations to Xan Tyler - my new favouritest hero!!!

Yes, Xan Tyler. He or she is great! I admire Xan more than words can express. Although I'm going to give it a try in my own humble way. Xan - not only do you have a cool name - and a surname that's the same as Sam Tyler from Ashes to Ashes - or the first name of Tyler Durden from Fight Club - you're just basically great.

You made me laugh, and in some ways, I wish I had your gumption and chutzpah. You have become my new role model. Previously I admired Cosmo Kramer from Seinfeld above all others, but now it's you, Xan. Thanks. I will be following your example.

See, I'm a man that has more ambition than gumption. My desire to get stuff done is constantly overpowered by my need to stay in bed for an extra half hour's sleep. I need, in short, a butler, a manager or an INTERN!!!

What describes as "a person who works as an apprentice or trainee in an occupation or profession to gain practical experience." If I had a young helper with ambition and enthusiasm I could get so much more done. I could Twitter 10 times a day. Useful stuff like that. Write blogs about stuff. Y'know. The world would be a happier place. I've got shopping lists that need writing and I really do not have the time to write them!

Well Xan Tyler has hit on the ideal solution: advertise for an intern.

In a plot obviously directly stolen from the Seinfeld episode where Kramer takes on an intern from NYU to organise his life, before the university puts a stop to it by crazily objecting that, 'the company (Kramerica) merely “consists of one man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken”'. Come on! An apartment with a chicken in it? And? Your point is? Darren the intern was learning valuable 'life skills'. Learning to answer the phone, make tea, how to work without getting paid. These are things that young people need to learn. And, obviously most important of all: you can put your internship on your CV and basically bullshit about how you were actually doing something incredibly important. And so launch your career in PR or 'the media'.

Y'know, by doing stuff for Xan. "communicating with publishers, writers and others in the field of publishing; publicity for events; blogging; social networking; typing." I am unironically proud, jealous and admiring of Xan. I salute you, Tyler for your situationist art terrorist parody of an advert. I wish I had thought of it first! What the world needs now is blog, blog, blog. Particularly when written by an intern for a creative writing coach that hasn't got time to write it him or herself. I'm not being nasty, I'm just massively jealous. I wish you the best of luck. I might even apply myself. I have some of the required qualities, really, Xan, I do:
  • Flawless English (well, hey, who has flawless Ingerlish? Does it even exihist?)
  • The ability to get on with people (ok. Not so great at that bit)
  • Some imagination (Yeah! I have some imagination. It's not great but I have some. Cool.)
  • Absolute reliability (Ahh. That may be where I let myself down. Absolute reliability? Like an atomic clock? Come on, seriously, Xan? I mean, I can do, reasonably reliable. I'll be there - just like 10 minutes late... I've failed the interview, haven't I, Xan? O well.. Good luck, Xan. I love you.)
If you are interested in this unique opportunity, please apply via the link below. Good luck, wannabe interns - and if Xan is not interested in you, don't give up! I will shortly be posting my own advert for the position of 'unpaid volunteer butler'. Watch this space...


  1. Sounds like a job for a Gorman, or even an A J Jacobs.

  2. Xan is advertising again [30 June 09]. This time without the onerous requirements that tripped you up. This time she is looking for someone outgoing, articulate, can prioritise tasks to meet deadlines, oh and still free. Do you fit the bill this time round?

  3. I wish her all the best and my admiration is still as high. Sadly my geographical location prevents me from applying.