Sunday, August 07, 2011

Gig 2: Where 'that bigoted woman' came from. Marks out of ten? 4 for effort

My games teacher (hard to call him a teacher as all he ever did was sit in his little room and occasionally shout at us after football for not having a shower) used to give me a C+ for sport on my report. 

'Good effort' he would write. He had no idea who I was. He had 3 different phrases he used in rotation and they were so dull I can't even remember them. But I'm expecting if he had been in the audience at my 2nd gig (the first one with an actual audience) he may well have written something similar. Although, as he would actually now know who I was he'd probably downgrade the performance letter to a D+.

I assume - when people go on about how shite schools are nowadays they forget there were so many chancers like that guy in schools. How slobby and lazy he was. He gave up sports when he became a teacher and took up sitting in a room on his own for 7 hours a day. Perhaps he was writing a novel or composing a symphony. Or... perhaps he was doing nowt.

Anyway, all my marks for 'games' were for effort.

And it would be the same at gig no.2. In a working men's style club in a suburb of that town where Gordon's bigoted woman lives. She may well have been there. There were quite a number of matronly ladies and older gents enjoying the cheap beer prices for members. As well as quite a lot of younger people actually. It was actually really nice. If I lived local I would bet there. Cheap and they have live entertainment of all sorts. What's not to like? Better than Britain's Got Talent, I'd imagine. And let's be honest, if not much happens in your town it's quite a nice night out to have a bunch of comedians (and another bloke with a bag of potatoes waffling for a bit - that's me I'm referring to of course! Lol indeed.)

My 'set' such as it is had been memorised. But when I got there I thought... oh, gosh, suicide bombers. They don't want to listen to that do they? It was a sort of complex story and I thought, I'll lose them at the first bit. So I cut it. And as a result of cutting it I completely forgot the next bit in my 'set'. And floundered and waffled for a bit. Blah blah blah.

Long story short - there was that sort of applause afterwards that signals, "Well done for giving it a go!!! Keep it up. Or don't. At least you had a go..." It's quite a little shock to the system. Suddenly being shit at something. It's like all your life you speak and communicate perfectly and then you move to China and suddenly you're a doofus who has no idea what's going on. It makes you wonder if you should just go home and curl up in a ball. But whatevs. You do things cos you know they're difficult to do. That's what mountains are for. Okay, mountains are for looking at, but climbing them is also fun.

As for comedians, I haven't met that many but I feel that when I say to them at the end, "Well done!" And then tell them about the things I liked in their set, it is their duty to turn to me and say, "Yeah, thanks. I really enjoyed your joke about ... Well done for giving it a go etc." It doesn't have to be true of course. They can think I'm shit, it's just polite to say something nice. If they said, "Y'know, that joke about Deathwatch beetles in Henry 8th's beard didn't really work, maybe lacks topicality," that would be fine too. Cos it would show that they were actually listening. And obviously any feedback is useful etc.

Whereas what happens is I respectfully tell them something nice and they say, "Thanks." Full stop.

I guess people who like standing on stages can be self-obsessed fuckers. Sometimes in life less successful people are often actually nicer than the more driven and successful fuckers. And we less successful people are probably quite fine about that really.


  1. Ah you're doing great. First rule of being a comedian: sincere self deprecation.

    I think you're funny and I know everything. Talk about being rubbish instead of clever things. X

  2. Rereading that makes me realise I forgot my facetious emoticon. Doh.

  3. I didn't really talk about clever things to be honest but deciding to change what I was gonna say meant that I kinda lost my thread and wittered. Sigh. Anyway, it doesn't really matter in the scheme of things, I will look back on it one day more than I would have a night in watching repeats of Mary Queen of Shops. But thank you for your support as always :-)

    p.s. from now on it's cider, cornflakes, bono and sex. that's what people want. possibly. and religion obviously.