Thursday, August 11, 2011

Manchester August 9th 2011: Pure terror and havoc + cheap strawberries

Manchester: 09/08/11 17.00 hrs (Market Street) "Pure terror and havoc + Free stuff....just smash shop windows and cart out da stuff u want!"

Manchester: 09/08/11 16.50 hrs (Market Street) I was there. Here is my shocking story....

I had just got the bus back from Bury (I'll just throw in some exciting minor details to add to the realism and make everything more exciting as we wait to get to the BIG EFFIN DRAMA!!!!). I had to get the bus cos the tram was not running - apparently a tree had fallen across the line. Or had it? Was it just a way of the *Feds* keeping the crazy Bury Massive out of the city centre? It's a conspiracy theory and I'm starting it RIGHT HERE in CAPITAL Letters. So I got off and walked down Market Street, the main pedestrianised thoroughfare in our wet city. And I popped into some clothes shops and looked at checked shirts, because apparently nowadays a man can never have enough checked shirts. Or trousers that would only fit over my thighs if I shaved them with one of those butcher's meat slicing devices.

SO. After buying absolutely nothing. I popped into Aldi to buy a bag of crisps and some randomly selected items that they might have on sale. I do like the Aldi "we sell different stuff every week!" philosophy. I like someone else to make my buying decisions for me. So I bought a horse blanket and some tinned bamboo shoots and made my way out of the shop.

As my comedy friend says, "Aldi, the only place where you can buy an axe and a bottle of vodka on the same aisle... what could possibly go wrong there?" (Copyright Darren Cunningham, 2011).

And as any Aldi Market Street shopper will know, in keeping with the beautiful yellow tiled Arndale emporium itself the Aldi has this long tiled corridor to release you back into the world - and as i was walking down the stairs there was a shout outside.

It was about ten to five.

The woman ahead of me jumped and actually yelped. "Oh my God!" Then there was another shout. We couldn't make out what it was. What was being said? "Grrrhh rarr gge pound!" Behind them I chortled to myself. Ha! What is she on about? As if! On Market Street!? London is a jungle, but here we will never have such nonsense!!! These two women taking little steps, tentative. Standing right behind them, but thinking. No, surely not. I knew what they were thinking.

I'd been busy working all day, but suddenly the thought occurred. Really? I was thinking, no, it couldn't be - not here.

We emerged out of the shop into the sunlight. There was a big burly man holding a box and shouting, "Get your strawberries. Only a pound. Strawberries and grapes, only a pound a box." And yes, he should have said, 'Only a pound a punnet.' The world is going to hell in a handcart. So then I got the tram home and apparently according to the news 3 minutes later there were gangs in Piccadilly Gardens. In all honesty there might have been gangs there then but how are you gonna even know. It was packed with people. In all likelihood there were some youths with their hoods up. Weird.

Anyway, today crazy rain is forecast so that will be the end of it. And that is my riot story. Not that exciting admittedly. When they target the Pound Shops and B&M that's when we will know that our society is truly doomed. Hang on!!!!? Is that picture real?
much geniusosity and stupidility

Is this statement below real? I don't believe anything any more. I bet those strawberries were over-ripe, I was right not to buy them. And my horse blanket is lovely. Bamboo shoots for tea! Hurrah!!!

The rain'll get rid of em. Nature knows best.

From BBC Worldfeed;

1055: BBC Monitoring Libyan foreign ministry spokesman Khalid Ka'im has called on world governments to take action over the unrest in the UK. David Cameron has lost legitimacy and "must go", Libya's official news agency Jana reports. Libya "demands that the international community not stand with arms folded in the face of this gross aggression against the rights of the British people, who are demanding its right to rule its country", the report said."


  1. Hey, David Cameron, I think you can now realistically use the "Broken Britain" phrase. You made it up, so now you've got to solve it. Water cannons, huh? That'll wash the problems away. Nice one. Really, these people are having the most fun: break things, start a fire and go shopping without paying any money. It's fun for the whole family.

    Zoe Williams in the Guardian:

    On Sunday morning, apparently, people had been not just looting H&M, but trying things on first.

    In Clapham Junction, the only shop left untouched was Waterstone's, and the looters of Boots had, unaccountably, stolen a load of Imodium.

    Late on Monday night, news went round Twitter that Turkish shopkeepers on Stoke Newington Road in Dalston were fighting off the marauders with baseball bats, and someone tweeted: "Bloody immigrants. Coming over here, defending our boroughs & communities."

  2. aye. hell is freezing over and the fat devil himself is patting himself on the back:

    Nick Griffin MEP
    My twatter followers are up from 4k on monday to 8600 today. Please keep spreading the word.

    rain rain stay today, never ever go away